Some jokes i would like to share while im away :)

If u had a bad day..
i hope this can make u smile and change ur day a lil bit..
cheers..
live by the rule of "happy and enjoy life"
:D


Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

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Wife to husband: 'What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?'
Husband to wife: 'Golfing with friends, my dear.'
Wife to husband: 'What? At 2 am ?!'
Husband to wife: 'Yes, We used night clubs.'

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Father to son after exam: 'let me see your report card.'
Son: 'My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.'

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A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word 'beans'.
'My father grows beans,' said one student.
'My father cooks beans,' said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: 'We are all human beans.'

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Interviewer to Millionaire: 'To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire to?'
Millionaire: 'I owe everything to my wife.'
Interviewer: 'Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?'
Millionaire: 'A Billionaire'

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Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.

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A husband was asked: Do you talk to your wife after sex?
He replied: Depends, if I can find a phone.

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Man to wife on wedding night: Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with?
Wife replied: Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others as they never allow me to sleep.

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Why did they stop printing PAMELA ANDERSON stamps in the U.S. ?
Answer: Because people started licking the wrong side.

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A wife asked her husband: What do you like most in me - my pretty face or my sexy body?
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: I like your sense of humour.

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Doctor to his lady patient: You look terribly weak and exhausted! Are you having your meals three times a day as I have advised?
Lady replied: Doctor, I thought you said three males a day.